I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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