Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Congratulations! We have a period
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
