I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
