Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
