He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
