id be glad to
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this beer tastes like vomit already
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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