I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
