FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
