his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The air was thick with penises
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
