I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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