did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
