Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm always down for nudity.
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