OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize