I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your dad touched me again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
