Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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