we have pet lesbian snakes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
