Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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