she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Four minutes until I can fart!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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