I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
