hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
