did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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