Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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