I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
