if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
