all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
