I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
