I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
