Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
