I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
