I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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