love makes seman taste better
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
