If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
