she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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