apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
