Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The air was thick with penises
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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