I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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