Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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