I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
