alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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