So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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