I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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