Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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