just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
