I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize