When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
