Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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