wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Randomize
