I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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