Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
