i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
