Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
