Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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