I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I want is dick and wine.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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