he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
