I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
