Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize