I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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