Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
