Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
