I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
