When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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