I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
