im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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