Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
